I'll Turn This Holiday Around Right Now!

From: The principal of Paris Hilton Country Day School

To: Our esteemed parents

Re: Canceling Halloween forever. And ever.

With the pungent memory (and extensive smoke damage) of last year's Halloween uppermost in our minds, it is our considered opinion (and our legal counsel's expressed wish) that we forgo the holiday's celebration this and all subsequent years.

First off, we want to apologize to our pagan parents for the third grade's impromptu - and illegal - re-creation of the Salem witch trials.

That little Tiffany Pug pinched a nerve in her neck while being held in stocks and pummeled with tomatoes and Spanish textbooks was regrettable.

The curse she placed on the school, although imaginative, appears to be winding down. The last of the frogs and locusts should be out of the gym soon. Next time, the Pug family might consider a simple lawsuit. Full Story

Related: religion, wicca, pagan, spells